The Person vs The Performance

Dear Stranger,

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou

It has been a while, but as you know this beautiful thing called life has a habit of getting the way of even the most neatly laid plans. Not that I am complaining, every day that I draw breath is a blessing, but sometimes somewhere in the middle of it all I question whether it is me as a person or a performance?

Continue reading “The Person vs The Performance”

Tobacco My Blesser

Tobacco my Blesser
I heard your name before I saw your face.
What mystery you possessed, I could hardly wait.

Tobacco My Blesser
What will it be like? I secretly ask.
Friends like me curious, but not brave enough to take a chance.

Tobacco my Blesser
We met today.
It was so alarming, I will never see you again.

Tobacco my Blesser
My friends say I should give you another chance, that you are not as bad as you seem.
They are right! Every breath is like the sweetest kiss of forbidden sin.

Tobacco My Blesser
You have a lot of powerful friends.
They take your money and present cases to your defence.

Tobacco My Blesser
Why do you tell everyone you are bad?
That makes no sense. Why do you stay if you should go away?

Tobacco my Blesser
It has been 10 years now and I can no longer deny
They weight on my chest and the pain in my lungs

Tobacco my blesser
I quit you today.
No longer will I take your abuse, allow you to hurt me in any way.

Tobacco my Blesser
I did not mean it, I’m sorry!
Everything hurts, I cannot think. Please take it all away.

Tobacco My Blesser
Did you get my message? I called last night and this morning too.
Will you go with me to the doctor?

Tobacco my Blesser
Hello, Hello are you there??
The doctor says I am sick and there is nothing they can do.

Tobacco My Blesser
To my surprise he ask about you by name, said he had seen your signature before.
Battered and bruised on the inside, not even my soul was spared.

Tobacco my Blesser
Can you help me out?
There is not enough money to pay all the hospital bills.

Tobacco My blesser
Are you serious?
No I do not need another cigarette, I thought you were my friend.

Tobacco my Blesser
My body gave up. I could not hang on anymore.
Will you come to my funeral and check on my family and friends?

Tobacco My blesser
So this is who you were?? Full of hot air and false promises??
I thought we had a bond, at least to me you would be fair.

Tobacco my Blesser
This was your fault!
Where are you? Where were you?

Tobacco my Blesser
Tobacco my blesser
You blessed me with DEATH!

It’s OK to struggle

Dear Stranger

As a Christian who has struggles, it is not a sin to seek professional help. Telling someone helps you makes sense of the voices in your head. Yes it is scary. Yes you will be vulnerable. But until you begin to unburden the secrets of your heart and deal with it, even your happiest moments will touched by darkness.

So I encourage you today, tell someone. There is no shame in struggling. The is no shame in admitting you needing help. There is no shame in mental illness.

Break The Silence

Dear Stranger

Children will say the strangest things at every opportunity they get. I have seen parents wish the ground would swallow them whole because their precious bundle of joy chose that precise moment to demonstrate how well they can speak. While most of us laugh it off as our hearts melt at their cuteness, their parents will do their best to explain why they shouldn’t repeat mommy’s conversation with her friends in public. However there are those moments when the words they say have the power to change everything and yet in those moments we do our best not to listen.

Continue reading “Break The Silence”

Climb The Hills, Conquer Your Mountain.

“Your minute is your hour is your day is your week is your month is your year. If you want to make this year better, make each minute better.”

― Saji Ijiyemi

Dear Stranger

Has it only been 9 days? Between all the deadlines and family commitments one can hardly believe so little time has passed. Yet somewhere in all the madness you still remembered to set your New Year’s resolutions. There’s just one problem. In what feels like less than 5 minutes, you broke every single one. What next? Is it already time to throw in the towel? Well here a few tips to help you achieve your New Year’s Resolutions. Continue reading “Climb The Hills, Conquer Your Mountain.”

Let it go!

Dear Stranger

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.-Steve Maraboli

With less then two days left in what feels like the fastest year ever, I can’t help being overwhelmed by the uncertainty of 2019. To be honest I’m still in a state of disbelief. There is so much I did but even more I did not. Plans, hopes and dreams act as constant reminders, leaving me unsettled and feeling like I failed. How then do I welcome 2019 with a heart set on an unfinished  2018? The answer to that is really quite simple, let it go. Yes, let it all go. Yet the simplest of answers are often the hardest to fulfill.

My sister and I had a big disagreement recently and I was hurt (I’m sure she was too). We were barely speaking and absolutely miserable. More than a week later, God told me to let it go. There was no booming voice or bright light or anything like that. It was just an impression on my heart. Naturally I was like “Nope, it’s not fair, why must I be the one?” As you know, God always gets His way. I kid you not, in every movie, t.v show and song, all I heard were messages about forgiveness and trusting Him and His way. Surfice to say, I did not last 24 hours before I gave in and my sister and I couldn’t be happier. This does not mean we won’t have to talk about it but this way we will be speaking from a place of love and peace instead of anger and hurt.

You see, when you hold onto all the hurt and disappointments, when challenges arise, that is the place you respond from. You will be left feeling defeated and hopeless. You wish to be happy, pray to be, but often feel your attempts only bring a fleeting sense of joy and not the everlasting joy you desperately crave.

So today I encourage you to just let it go. Hold on to the little things that bring true joy to your heart. You can’t change to past, and can’t control the future, but in this moment you can say “not everything is as I had hoped, but I woke up this morning and I made it to the end of the year. I MADE IT!” Then you begin to realize that you are speaking and responding from a place of victory. You will realise that your joy is not dependent on your circumstances but on your state of mind.

Again I say, LET IT GO! Forgive on purpose to be happy on purpose and take a victorious step into 2019.

So then, let us pursue [with enthusiasm] the things which make for peace and the building up of one another [things which lead to spiritual growth].                        Romans 14:19

Silent Pain, Silent thoughts

It hurts but I don’t know where

I laugh but it’s not funny

I speak to fill the space

I show up to go somewhere

I act to hide

I lie, the truth is complicated

 

But in the dead of night, in the silence of my mind, it is not enough

Not enough to heal the gaping hole

To consume the darkness

I lie to myself that I am ok

I will be ok

I need to be ok

I HAVE TO BE OK!

Do I have a choice?

 

Maybe I should tell someone

Who and where?? The time has to be right

Will they understand? Do I understand?

Maybe I should keep it to myself, they have their own problems

Just get through today, it will be ok

 

I hold on to the little moments

They are my balm, my hope for another day

Little reminders that God is there

Surely as He created me, He watches over me

In His presence I don’t have to laugh, speak, go, act and lie.

In His presence I just have to be

It hurts, but God KNOWS where.

 

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Mathew 11:28

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