Tobacco My Blesser

Tobacco my Blesser
I heard your name before I saw your face.
What mystery you possessed, I could hardly wait.

Tobacco My Blesser
What will it be like? I secretly ask.
Friends like me curious, but not brave enough to take a chance.

Tobacco my Blesser
We met today.
It was so alarming, I will never see you again.

Tobacco my Blesser
My friends say I should give you another chance, that you are not as bad as you seem.
They are right! Every breath is like the sweetest kiss of forbidden sin.

Tobacco My Blesser
You have a lot of powerful friends.
They take your money and present cases to your defence.

Tobacco My Blesser
Why do you tell everyone you are bad?
That makes no sense. Why do you stay if you should go away?

Tobacco my Blesser
It has been 10 years now and I can no longer deny
They weight on my chest and the pain in my lungs

Tobacco my blesser
I quit you today.
No longer will I take your abuse, allow you to hurt me in any way.

Tobacco my Blesser
I did not mean it, I’m sorry!
Everything hurts, I cannot think. Please take it all away.

Tobacco My Blesser
Did you get my message? I called last night and this morning too.
Will you go with me to the doctor?

Tobacco my Blesser
Hello, Hello are you there??
The doctor says I am sick and there is nothing they can do.

Tobacco My Blesser
To my surprise he ask about you by name, said he had seen your signature before.
Battered and bruised on the inside, not even my soul was spared.

Tobacco my Blesser
Can you help me out?
There is not enough money to pay all the hospital bills.

Tobacco My blesser
Are you serious?
No I do not need another cigarette, I thought you were my friend.

Tobacco my Blesser
My body gave up. I could not hang on anymore.
Will you come to my funeral and check on my family and friends?

Tobacco My blesser
So this is who you were?? Full of hot air and false promises??
I thought we had a bond, at least to me you would be fair.

Tobacco my Blesser
This was your fault!
Where are you? Where were you?

Tobacco my Blesser
Tobacco my blesser
You blessed me with DEATH!

It’s OK to struggle

Dear Stranger

As a Christian who has struggles, it is not a sin to seek professional help. Telling someone helps you makes sense of the voices in your head. Yes it is scary. Yes you will be vulnerable. But until you begin to unburden the secrets of your heart and deal with it, even your happiest moments will touched by darkness.

So I encourage you today, tell someone. There is no shame in struggling. The is no shame in admitting you needing help. There is no shame in mental illness.

Sex Sells right?

I have been going round in circles thinking about the best way to approach this topic, but I do know that many may not agree with me. I’m talking about Transactional Relationships. In other words men dating younger girls for some form of payment, which in recent years, has seen an increase in the reverse (for the sake of this post will focus on the former although it applies to both). In fact it has slowly become a widely known open secrete, which has taken on a degree of normalcy. However before I dive in, I must first place all this in context. Continue reading “Sex Sells right?”

Silent Pain, Silent thoughts

It hurts but I don’t know where

I laugh but it’s not funny

I speak to fill the space

I show up to go somewhere

I act to hide

I lie, the truth is complicated

 

But in the dead of night, in the silence of my mind, it is not enough

Not enough to heal the gaping hole

To consume the darkness

I lie to myself that I am ok

I will be ok

I need to be ok

I HAVE TO BE OK!

Do I have a choice?

 

Maybe I should tell someone

Who and where?? The time has to be right

Will they understand? Do I understand?

Maybe I should keep it to myself, they have their own problems

Just get through today, it will be ok

 

I hold on to the little moments

They are my balm, my hope for another day

Little reminders that God is there

Surely as He created me, He watches over me

In His presence I don’t have to laugh, speak, go, act and lie.

In His presence I just have to be

It hurts, but God KNOWS where.

 

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Mathew 11:28

I Forgive Me

Dear Stranger

My sister and I are only a year apart, and as you can imagine there was ample opportunity for us to learn the true meaning of forgiveness. I don’t need to tell anyone how hard it can be at times to forgive a wrong done to you. Harder still, you are often called to forgive even when no one seeks it. However, what happens when the person you have to forgive the most is you? Continue reading “I Forgive Me”

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