Relationshiply Ambiguous

“It does good to no woman to be flattered [by a man] who does not intend to marry her; and it is madness in all women to let a secret love kindle within them, which, if unreturned and unknown, must devour the life that feeds it; and, if discovered and responded to, must lead, ignis-fatuus-like, into miry wilds whence there is no extrication.”

― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

Dear Stranger

Social media has made it easy to keep up-to-date with other people’s lives, including the state of  their relationships or lack thereof. In fact, once a relationship comes to an end, we often feel like they are obligated to explain what happened. I mean, who doesn’t need closure?

But what happens when one partner shares the relationship with all who care to listen but the other chooses not to have a trace of their partner on their social media? When asked why not, they say they prefer to keep their relationship private, and yet they update all their accounts a 100 times a day. Uhm that’s not private, that’s a secret.

Too many people are reserving long term positions for people who consider them transitional. You know, they are with you waiting to transition to someone they want to be with, but they do not want to serve notice when that day comes. Suddenly, you are just a friend, a colleague or a person I once dated instead of all the beautiful things they used to say behind closed doors. Now you are heart broken, wondering why you never saw it coming when in reality no ever saw you.

If your relationship is private, people know that your boyfriend/girlfriend exists even though you don’t discuss the details of your relationship. To the outside world there is no ambiguity, no one gets confused about your relationship status even if only those closest to you are privy to the who, when, where and how of it all. Don’t get me wrong, relationships like people are different, but what is important is everyone is on the same page.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Luke 6: 31

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