It hurts but I don’t know where
I laugh but it’s not funny
I speak to fill the space
I show up to go somewhere
I act to hide
I lie, the truth is complicated
But in the dead of night, in the silence of my mind, it is not enough
Not enough to heal the gaping hole
To consume the darkness
I lie to myself that I am ok
I will be ok
I need to be ok
I HAVE TO BE OK!
Do I have a choice?
Maybe I should tell someone
Who and where?? The time has to be right
Will they understand? Do I understand?
Maybe I should keep it to myself, they have their own problems
Just get through today, it will be ok
I hold on to the little moments
They are my balm, my hope for another day
Little reminders that God is there
Surely as He created me, He watches over me
In His presence I don’t have to laugh, speak, go, act and lie.
In His presence I just have to be
It hurts, but God KNOWS where.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.