Silent Pain, Silent thoughts

It hurts but I don’t know where

I laugh but it’s not funny

I speak to fill the space

I show up to go somewhere

I act to hide

I lie, the truth is complicated

 

But in the dead of night, in the silence of my mind, it is not enough

Not enough to heal the gaping hole

To consume the darkness

I lie to myself that I am ok

I will be ok

I need to be ok

I HAVE TO BE OK!

Do I have a choice?

 

Maybe I should tell someone

Who and where?? The time has to be right

Will they understand? Do I understand?

Maybe I should keep it to myself, they have their own problems

Just get through today, it will be ok

 

I hold on to the little moments

They are my balm, my hope for another day

Little reminders that God is there

Surely as He created me, He watches over me

In His presence I don’t have to laugh, speak, go, act and lie.

In His presence I just have to be

It hurts, but God KNOWS where.

 

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Mathew 11:28

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